YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!

Earlier today, my mom forgot to turn off the TV before leaving to work. When I came into our apartment, much to my annoyance The Maury Show was on. I don’t watch much television, and least of all talk shows as they are nothing more than salacious trash--and cheap salacious trash, at that. And over the years, from flipping through channels and conversations with friends, I’ve become too familiar with Maury’s show topics, of which the bulk consist of Who’s My Baby Daddy and Cheating Husbands Put to the Test by Backstage Sexy Decoys. It’s a sad fact, for at least there’s more substance in the Is It a Man or a Woman and the Out of Control Teenage Girl Sent to Boot Camp show topics. It’s also sad because during the first few seasons of the show when the host himself wasn’t dogged by sexual harassment scandals, The Maury Show spent considerable time on serious subject matter. But I guess there was simply no fun in that. In any event, I kept the TV on as I unwound.

On this particular episode, a woman who we will conveniently call Jezebel, came on the show for the fifth time to have the fifth man tested to determine the child's paternity. Old footage was conjured to recap her past appearances on the show. Almost without fail, Jezebel always followed the same script: she was initially 100% sure the alleged man was the father, after it was revealed that he wasn’t, she went backstage and broke down crying. If Jezebel is so disgraced that this walking, unthinking penis isn’t her baby’s daddy, then why does she even show up on the show to begin with? This woman is on live television announcing to millions of people that she is a, should we say, whore!

What shocks me even more is that the audience always seems to side with Jezebel. When Jezebel cries, the camera doesn’t fail to catch their displays of sympathy; when Jezebel lashes out at her almost-certainly-not baby daddy, the audience rallies her on. This is beyond outrageous (and even laughable). Maybe Jezebel is their version of a model citizen, maybe they want their children to grow up and follow her example. Not that I have any defense of the baby daddy, either; after all, this man (and I use the term here very loosely), whose knee-jerk reaction after being exonerated is to start dancing like a buffoon, has almost always very bad taste (judging by Jezebel’s appearance) and not even the slightest presence of mind to put on a condom when consorting with some woman he just met at the club that night. As far as I’m concerned, he’s already a baby daddy multiple times over, not to mention a walking venereal disease factory.

This brings me back to the macdaddy of trash television, Jerry Springer. I always thought that his show was the trashiest, but when it was revealed in the late 90s that a lot of the show was choreographed, I realized that there was at least some method to the madness. And after all, Springer himself was the mayor of Cincinnati and pursued a more serious career in journalism. His show also spawned the career of Steve Wilkos, whose show has steered clear from the low-brow salaciousness that has defined Springer’s. All Maury Povich has left behind is trash, and more trash.

By the way, the fifth man who Jezebel so adamantly accused of being her baby daddy, turned out not to be (surprise, surprise!). She went backstage, she broke down, she cried, though this time the man in question was a little more sympathetic and not as eager to flaunt his superb dancing skills. Maybe he’s learned something. As for Jezebel, stay turned for next week’s episode when she’ll have the sixth man tested.

Discurso de aceptacion de Premio Nobel (Ernest Hemingway)

Hemingway consumido con su obra

Teniendo ninguna facilidad en el arte de discursos y ninguna maestria en el oratorio ni dominacion en retorica, deseo darle las gracias a los administradores de la generosidad de Alfred Nobel por este Premio.

Ningun escritor que conoce a los gran escritores que no recibieron el Premio puede aceptarlo sin nada mas que humilidad. No hay necesidad de mencionar a estos escritores. Todo el mundo puede crear su propia lista segun su sabiduria y conciencia.

Seria imposible pedirle al embajador de mi pais leer un discurso en que un escritor diga todas las cosas dentro de su corazon. Puede que las cosas no sean inmediatamente discernibles en lo que un hombre escriba, y en esto el algunas veces es afortunado; pero eventualmente son sumamente plenas y, a traves de estas y el grado de alquimia que el posee, el aguantara--o sera olvidado.

La escritura, en su mejoria, es una vida solitaria. Organizaciones de escritores plestan ayuda a la soledad del escritor, pero dudo que mejoren su escritura. El crece en estatura publica mientras sacude su soledad, y muchas veces su obra empeora. El hace su trabajo solo y, si el es un escritor realmente cumbre, tendra que asombrar la eternidad, o su falta, cada dia.

Para un escritor real cada libro debe ser un nuevo comienzo donde el intenta de nuevo algo que es inalcancable. El siempre debe intentar algo que nunca se ha hecho, o que otros han intentado y han fracasado. Luego algunas veces, con gran suerte, el sera exitoso.

Que simple seria la escritura de literatura si solamente fuera necesario escribir de otra manera lo que ya se ha escrito bien. Es porque hemos tenido tan buenos escritores en el pasado que un escritor es empujado mas alla de donde puede ir, donde ya nadie lo puede ayudar.

He hablado mucho por un escritor. Un escritor debe escribir lo que tiene que decir y no decirlo. De nuevo, les doy las gracias.

Give Him Credit

Tim Tebow tebowing. "Tebowing" has become a sensation all around the world

I’m not so sure how I feel about Tim Tebow the athlete; the quarterback with a viable NFL future. Not so sure if this kid has what it takes. Not sure than he can weather even a handful of seasons in the gritty sport. How I feel about him as a man, however, is an entirely different matter.

In the world of professional sports, where athletes mire their lives in controversy and are only role models strictly within the confines of the sport and not in their personal lives, where sexual improprieties, drug allegations, nightclub shootings, dog fighting scandals, gross mismanagement of money, and even recently in the case of former Washington Wizards guard Javaris Crittenton even murder hold sway, it is refreshing to finally see an athlete that conducts himself in a clean and upstanding way. Here’s someone that you can say is a positive role model in the full sense of the word, without having to make glaring exceptions of his personal character.

I’m sure Tim Tebow is not perfect; however, on the other hand, I’m all but sure he’ll never shame his way into the headlines by driving drunk and killing a pedestrian (Donte Stallworth), or choking and holding his wife at gunpoint (Allen Iverson). I’m pretty sure he’ll never shoot himself in the foot at a nightclub, like Plaxico Burress’ historically dumb blunder to end all dumb blunders. (He gives a whole new, LITERAL meaning to shooting yourself in the foot.)

Even Michael Jordan, who will always remain one of my favorite athletes and had a pretty clean cut image throughout his career, was known outside the court for his infidelities and gambling (he famously lost 1.2 million on the golf course in a gambling spree against Richard Esquinas). A ten-year-old can hang a poster of Tim Tebow on his bedroom wall without having to wince at a slew of tattoos and body ink that adorn his arms like barbed wire. Not that I have anything against tattoos (a tattoo can be classy, tasteful, and even meaningful), but how easily we forget that in American culture tattoos, especially when they cover 95% of your body, have traditionally symbolized gangs and prison life. Oh, and not to forget, lack of social upward mobility.

Again, Tim Tebow the athlete, I’m not so sure about. He may be around for a year or two, and permanently fall off the radar. But give him credit for taking his job as a role model and a source of inspiration to so many millions seriously. This alone makes me wish that he succeeds. At least if he does, I might proudly wear a Broncos jersey. Hell, at this point I might wear one even if he bombs.

10 Things to Remember About Relationships

1. Fools rush in. This is another way of saying do not settle for anyone that you don’t genuinely love and enjoy. If there are red flags that you think may eventually undermine or compromise the relationship, do not commit yourself to that person. Trust me: you’ll regret it later.

2. It’s a give and take. Both of you have to make concessions. There should be no double standards. Double standards are a recipe for a disaster, and oftentimes they’re realized without one person knowing and the other knowing all too well. This creates resentment, as well as a power struggle that will complicate things down the road. At heart, we are all fair and generous—so let’s show it with our partners.

3. Agree on your values. Do both of you have the same values? Opposites can sometimes attract, but no matter how opposite they are, there has to be a core set of values that both people agree on in order for that relationship to work. Make sure that the both of you see eye-to-eye on the most important things, particularly those that pertain to the relationship.

4. Bring the skeletons out of the closet (they’re gathering too much dust, anyway). These will come out sooner or later, so it’s best they come out during the initial stages of the relationship and not when it’s already too late and will likely compromise everything. Or worse yet, when your partner uncovers the betrayal. Be honest and forthcoming. Your partner may not accept the baggage and ditch out on you, but at least you saved yourself the heartache of it happening later on when you already have a slew of invested feelings and emotions.

5. Take it slow. This mostly relates to the beginning of the relationship, during the courtship phase or shortly after it. One date a week is good. Like any good book or movie, you want the relationship to unfold in a natural and fruitful way. The healthiest relationships are those that have developed organically, not frantically rushed into their climax.

6. It's not all about the sex. In fact, the bulk of the relationship should revolve around how the two of you get along. This is not meant to undermine the importance of intimacy, but only to highlight that sex alone will not carry the relationship. Like all things worthwhile, relationships rely on several important variants, of which sex is only one of them.

7. Don’t lose your focus. In this fast-paced world where our careers, friends, and even children vie for our attention, we tend to lose focus on our significant others. At the very least, we will ignore or brush aside important aspects of our relationships. This is highly problematic, and should be curbed by periodic evaluations of the relationship’s progress. This is how we "keep the fire alive" and never get bored of our partners.

8. Trust is hard to regain. Therefore, conduct your relationship as you would your personal, individual life: with the highest level of integrity. Trust is not impossible to regain, but it is extremely difficult. When your partner has lost your trust, it requires a mental rewiring to gain it back—and not everyone is capable of this. Dishonesty is not only toxic to the relationship, but it’s a form of self-sabotage.

9. It won’t always be Disney World. Ride it out. There will be dark moments, but if those don’t compromise the integrity and wholeness of the relationship, then weather the storm. More often than not, you will find that these were only necessary bumps along the way. From them, your relationship will grow.

10. Know when to cut your losses. If the relationship has reached the critical point of no salvation; if every method of recourse has failed; if you cannot even stand to see your partner any longer and infidelity tempts you at every turn, then this is the ultimate moment for you to proclaim, "Enough is enough!" Ideally, the two of you will come to that consensus together, but in the real world this is rare. There will usually be a party that feels betrayed or deceived, and will remain stubbornly bitter.

A Long Look in the Mirror

If I were Joe Paterno right now, I would take a long look at myself in the mirror and question my integrity as a human being. I would forget about my 400 wins, my tenured reputation, and my success, and concede that these all mean nothing in the face of cowardice. I would forget about the glory that comes with coaching for over 30 years and try to feel the hurt and anguish that at least one man (and presumably more) feels now and felt several years ago as his innocence was robbed. I would then give up all efforts of trying to get my job back, I’d fire my powerful Washington attorney and immediately schedule a press conference where I apologize to Sandusky’s victim, Penn State and all its fans, and the entire world for my failure to act. I would finally turn to my six children, get down on my knees, and admit to them that I have failed them as a father.

There’s only one problem: Paterno’s got no balls. He isn’t even a shred of a man.

Sandusky himself is a slimy animal that has no hope of redemption. This man got away with raping young boys under the guise of helping them for decades, and now he doesn’t have himself to look at but God. And his cellmate Bubba once he reaches jail, and I’m sure Bubba’s gonna have a whole lotta fun with him. Oh well. Poetic justice, I guess.

Penn State as an institution and all the enablers that allowed Sandusky to get away with his lasciviousness don’t just have a damage control problem to deal with, but an asterisk that will forever brand their rich legacy. Might as well. Winning for them was more important than human lives, so an asterisk is the perfect symbol to define their legacy of shame.

Let this serve as an example for all institutions, schools and otherwise. There’s nothing wrong with success, but a moral imperative always comes first. You can choose to ignore it, but sooner or later it will come back with sound and fury. And by then all your success would have meant nothing. It’ll just be another scrap of useless trivia.

Some Thoughts on Turning 26

Manhood continually creeps up on me. I don’t know that it will ever fully be there. I will always remain too young and wild at heart. Maybe this is best. Maybe manhood means settling down and slowly dying. I want to live forever.

For all my attempts, I can’t help but brood on the fact that at 26 I’m still a full year younger than my brother when he died. At 26 Dave was still brimming with life, often on the brink of a new adventure. This isn’t an uncomfortable thought, even though his death in many ways still remains uncomfortable, unpleasant. It’s simply something that inspires awe and, above all, humility. It grounds me whenever I think I’m the best thing since Jesus, which is often. Maybe manhood is good; maybe it means that it’s time to shed false notions of self-worth. To relinquish a lot of my needy narcissism.

Maybe it’s best not to think along the lines of manhood. Maybe it’s better to simply think along the lines of being, of living in the present. In this vein, I will create a new mission statement: a transformative message that will embody what I strive to be--and what matters.

MISSION STATEMENT: TO PURSUE MY PASSIONS AT ALL COSTS, DILIGENTLY AND WHOLE-HEARTEDLY, AND IGNORE THE THINGS THAT BORE ME; TO REMAIN TRUE, WHOLE AND LOYAL TO MYSELF AND NEVER FORGET THAT I AM A WALKING TEMPLE; TO LOVE MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS, AS WELL AS MY ENVIRONMENT; TO TREAT EVERYONE WITH RESPECT, UNLESS IT’S UNMERITED, AND TO TREAT EVERYTHING ACCORDING TO ITS VALUE; TO NEVER FORGET THAT MATERIAL THINGS ARE JUST THAT: THINGS, AND WILL NEVER MAKE ME GROW AS A PERSON, ONLY ERODE LIKE SAND DUNES; TO NOURISH, NURTURE, AND FOSTER MY CHILDREN AND MY COMMUNITY; TO LEAVE WHAT I TOUCH BETTER THAN IT WAS BEFORE I CAME; TO BE NOTHING OTHER THAN MICHAEL RIVERA SARMIENTO: AN INDIVIDUAL AND, MOST IMPORTANTLY, A MAN.

I hope that wasn’t too lofty or unrealistic, as are many of the mission statements falsely touted by companies and organizations. I hope it wasn’t too long-winded, because I like nothing more than simplicity.

I hope that whatever “manhood” is, this mission statement at least came close to it. If it didn’t, oh well. I’m more than happy remaining a child.

Discussing life w/ Rene

Greatness

I tiptoed my way to the threshold,
   hesitated,
      recoiled,
         lost my balance,
but then,
   when the unforgiving second wound down,
I found my footing.

I breathed in the world:
   Its fragrances and fumes,
and lit a fire in my lungs.

I’m a titan and an elf,
   a man of flesh and bone,
of rippling sinews,
   and a counselor to kings.

But I am,
   most gracefully and beautifully,
a loving son and brother—
   a friend when darkness drops low.