1. Fools rush in. This is another way of saying do not settle for anyone that you don’t genuinely love and enjoy. If there are red flags that you think may eventually undermine or compromise the relationship, do not commit yourself to that person. Trust me: you’ll regret it later.
2. It’s a give and take. Both of you have to make concessions. There should be no double standards. Double standards are a recipe for a disaster, and oftentimes they’re realized without one person knowing and the other knowing all too well. This creates resentment, as well as a power struggle that will complicate things down the road. At heart, we are all fair and generous—so let’s show it with our partners.
3. Agree on your values. Do both of you have the same values? Opposites can sometimes attract, but no matter how opposite they are, there has to be a core set of values that both people agree on in order for that relationship to work. Make sure that the both of you see eye-to-eye on the most important things, particularly those that pertain to the relationship.
4. Bring the skeletons out of the closet (they’re gathering too much dust, anyway). These will come out sooner or later, so it’s best they come out during the initial stages of the relationship and not when it’s already too late and will likely compromise everything. Or worse yet, when your partner uncovers the betrayal. Be honest and forthcoming. Your partner may not accept the baggage and ditch out on you, but at least you saved yourself the heartache of it happening later on when you already have a slew of invested feelings and emotions.
5. Take it slow. This mostly relates to the beginning of the relationship, during the courtship phase or shortly after it. One date a week is good. Like any good book or movie, you want the relationship to unfold in a natural and fruitful way. The healthiest relationships are those that have developed organically, not frantically rushed into their climax.
6. It's not all about the sex. In fact, the bulk of the relationship should revolve around how the two of you get along. This is not meant to undermine the importance of intimacy, but only to highlight that sex alone will not carry the relationship. Like all things worthwhile, relationships rely on several important variants, of which sex is only one of them.
7. Don’t lose your focus. In this fast-paced world where our careers, friends, and even children vie for our attention, we tend to lose focus on our significant others. At the very least, we will ignore or brush aside important aspects of our relationships. This is highly problematic, and should be curbed by periodic evaluations of the relationship’s progress. This is how we "keep the fire alive" and never get bored of our partners.
8. Trust is hard to regain. Therefore, conduct your relationship as you would your personal, individual life: with the highest level of integrity. Trust is not impossible to regain, but it is extremely difficult. When your partner has lost your trust, it requires a mental rewiring to gain it back—and not everyone is capable of this. Dishonesty is not only toxic to the relationship, but it’s a form of self-sabotage.
9. It won’t always be Disney World. Ride it out. There will be dark moments, but if those don’t compromise the integrity and wholeness of the relationship, then weather the storm. More often than not, you will find that these were only necessary bumps along the way. From them, your relationship will grow.
10. Know when to cut your losses. If the relationship has reached the critical point of no salvation; if every method of recourse has failed; if you cannot even stand to see your partner any longer and infidelity tempts you at every turn, then this is the ultimate moment for you to proclaim, "Enough is enough!" Ideally, the two of you will come to that consensus together, but in the real world this is rare. There will usually be a party that feels betrayed or deceived, and will remain stubbornly bitter.
